4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days
later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the floppies.
5. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and
close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone
down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door to his room.
6. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After
40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a
piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and clicking the
"send" button on his fax software.
7. Another Dell customer needed help setting up a new program, so a Dell tech suggested he
go to the local Egghead. "Yeah, I got me a couple of friends, "the customer
replied.� When told Egghead was a software store, the man said, "Oh, I thought
you meant for me to find a couple of geeks."
8. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had
cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day,
then removing all the keys and washing them individually.
9. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer
had told him he was "bad and an invalid". The tech explained that the computer's
"bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.
10. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer
to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what
happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this
foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the
computer's mouse.
11. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't
work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and sat there for 20 minutes waiting
for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she
asked "What power switch?"
12. True story from a Novell NetWire SysOp:
Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do
I go about getting that fixed?"
Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, It's because
I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show? How did you get this
cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"
Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just
has '4X' on it."
At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it. The
caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it
off the drive!
Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Computers are not intelligent; they only think they are.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My software never has bugs; it just develops random features.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWL
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>--------The information went data way ------�
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Best file compression around: DEL *.* = 100% compression
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The name is Baud......, James Baud.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Access denied--nah nah na nah na na!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
C:\ Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why doesn't DOS ever say: EXCELLENT command or filename!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Backups? We don' *NEED* no steenking backups.,hr> E Pluribus Modem
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
C:\ File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/N)?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A computer's attention span is as long as its power cord.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
11th commandment - Covet not thy neighbor's Pentium.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Windows: Just another pain in the glass.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . .
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ultimate office automation: networked coffee.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shell to DOS...Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
All computers wait at the same speed.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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